


Month's Mind

by inaforest (katzenjammerd)



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-07-31
Updated: 2007-07-31
Packaged: 2019-10-08 13:42:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17387402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katzenjammerd/pseuds/inaforest
Summary: ‘No, I - - just wanted to see how you were doing.’  Remus puts down his mug and his smile has echoes of a grimace.  ‘It’s been a long summer.’(Post OotP.)





	Month's Mind

It’s Remus’s non-Wizard appearance that gets him in the door.  He’s wearing a quite respectable Muggle suit, seemingly new. Harry wonders where the money came from.  Aunt Petunia gives him the one over when he introduces himself,  saying, ‘At least you look halfway normal.’

 

Remus smiles wryly, one hand rubbing the side of his neck, where Harry can just make out the shadow of a old wound.

 

‘Yes,’ he says, still smiling, still polite, ‘Quite.’

 

They’re ushered into the kitchen at the back., with Petunia glancing out to see if the neighbours have seen him.

 

‘Ten minutes,’ she states firmly, turning to look at them both, ‘And none of your... nonsense.’

 

She leaves them, and they can hear the blare of the six o’clock news from the lounge.

 

Harry puts on the kettle and makes a tea for them both, hunts for biscuits. After a few inane comments, they sit in silence over tea.  All that can be heard in the kitchen is the hum of the fridge. Remus stares distractedly at the kitchen table, tracing the grain of the wood with his fingertips.

 

‘Are you here on Order business?’ Harry asks finally, tired of the stretch of silence as they finish their tea.

 

‘No, no.’

 

‘For Dumbledore?’ 

 

‘No, I - - just wanted to see how you were doing.’  Remus puts down his mug and his smile has echoes of a grimace.  ‘It’s been a long summer.’

 

Harry nods, and swallows the lump in his throat.

 

                                                                        ~ + ~

 

They go for a walk after their tea, walking up to the park, past the laneway where Harry and Dudley met the dementors last year.  Remus sits down on a park bench and motions Harry to sit down beside him.  They watch the kids play five-a-side.  Harry recognises one of them as a boy around his age who lives three doors down from him.  The boy turns, noticing him, and gives him a brief nod of hello.  Harry ignores this.

 

Harry wants to say something, anything, about Sirius, but there’s something about Remus, the way he seems to be withdrawn, even from his own body, as if he’s shut down somewhat. 

 

But Harry’s fifteen, and even prone to sulks, will always say something.

 

‘I don’t care what Dumbledore says, I’m going to get Kreacher.’

 

He gets a flash of a grin from Remus who then begins examining his hands intently.

 

‘I’m afraid Kreacher had a bit of an accident, the day Tonks returned from St. Mungo’s.  You know how clumsy she can be.’

 

‘Oh,’ Harry gets the feeling the Remus is now purposefully not looking at him.

 

‘Yes, she tripped on the first floor corridor and had to grab something to block her fall.  Ornamental or not, I’ve always said that axe was in a dangerous place.’ The smile in Remus’ voice is feral and nasty, and it warms Harry.

 

‘I’m sure Dumbledore wasn’t happy.’

 

‘Hmm, what?’  Remus is apparently watching the footballers with keen interest.  ‘No, not at all.  But Kingsley, Fred and I happened to be on that corridor and have vouched for Tonks’s innocent accident.  In fact, I myself rushed to block her fall with a Holding spell, but for some strange reason it went slightly wrong and held Kreacher down.’

 

‘Can Tonks fall into Sirius’s Mum’s portrait?’ Harry asks darkly.

 

‘We’re looking into that.  Tonks has a surprisingly effective streak of Black viciousness.’

 

Remus stands up to walk Harry home.  At the gate, he pauses, remembering something.

 

‘Sirius left Grimmauld Place to you.  There are a couple of riders...’  At this, Remus breaks off, looking away.  When he turns back, there’s a brief but terrible grief-stricken look on his face before a purposefully blank look appears. ‘Dumbledore can fill you in.’

 

With that he turns away and walks down Privet Drive to the main road. 

 

He stares at his retreating figure, sheltered from absolute examination in the half-light of dusk and understands.  Not everything, but enough.

 

Harry realises for the first time that he may not be the only one to be collapsing inside from Sirius’s death, that Remus might share this awful, paralysing weight of love and loss that he’s carried around all summer.

 

Harry can’t help it.  He runs after him.

 

‘Professor Lupin, the veil - why can’t we get Sirius back?  Please, please, is there no way?  It was an accident, it shouldn’t have happened.  Surely there’s some magic, some spell to get him...’

 

His babbling trails off.  He can’t help it.  He’s suddenly crying and it feels like each single drop is stripping and tearing from his heart, each sob is wrenched from his body.

 

He doesn’t realise that Remus is holding him upright till he hears him whisper, almost savagely, his quiet demeanor  in his ear, ‘Don’t you think if I knew the way, I would?  There is nobody, including you, who misses him more that me.’

 

This Remus, wild and fierce and ferocious in his grief, is almost frightening to Harry.  For the first time, he thinks he can see the Werewolf in his refined and tame professor.  Remus catches himself, too. They back away from each other, tear-stained and blotchy cheeked.

 

‘I’d best be off.  Dumbledore doesn’t know I’m visit-’ Remus begins.

 

Harry’s suddenly grateful that there is at least one other person  who knows how he feels.

 

‘Thanks for coming.  It means a lot to me, especially now...’

 

But Remus has already disapparated.

 


End file.
